It's Me Again Lord, As I Fall on My Knees to Pray

I can't believe it's been so long since I wrote here.

I didn't work for 3 whole months. It was hard. The days got darker and I was still not working. The odd temp job here and there but no calls for interviews - but then it happened. God brought me my "dream job".

Now I am facing fire of another sort. My performance at work isn't "satisfactory". It is challenging my esteem. Because of this, I am going to declare a fast. At least five days. I need to regain my drive and put focus back on God.

Seek Him Always - From Joyce Meyer's Devotional

It was told Jehoshaphat, A great multitude has come against you … Then Jehoshaphat feared, and set himself [determinedly, as his vital need] to seek the Lord; he proclaimed a fast in all Judah. — 2 Chronicles 20:2-3

When King Jehoshaphat needed to hear from God, he proclaimed a fast throughout his entire kingdom of Judah. All the people gathered to seek the Lord for help, longing for Him with all their hearts.

Jehoshaphat proclaimed a fast to demonstrate his sincerity to God and his need for God. If you need to hear from God, consider missing a few meals and taking that time to seek God. Turning the television off and spending time with God instead of watching it is not a bad idea either, nor is spending a few evenings at home seeking God instead of going out with friends asking for their advice and opinions. These disciplines and others prove that you understand the importance of hearing from God.

Some people seek God earnestly only when they are in trouble, but we need to seek Him intensely all the time. God once impressed upon me that the reason so many people have so many problems is that the only time they seek Him is when they are in trouble. He showed me that if He removed some people’s problems, they would not seek Him at all. He said, “Seek Me as if you were desperate all the time and then you won’t find yourself desperate so often in reality.” I think this is good advice and I encourage you to follow it every day.

Testimony: Comfort for the jobless

I'm watching Living Single reruns on Youtube and some random movies online. I've been off for a week. I've gotten some things done but on Friday, my fifth day off, I did nothing. I temped for a day and a half during that week but on Friday while fasting I just watched T.V. online while in bed and T.V. in the living room. Then there was revival at church. I forced myself to renew my spirit and my thoughts about being off. It's messed up because only being away from work (a permanent position) for a week and already people are grouping me into the hopeless and jobless category.

But I have faith and proof that God can do it and will do it for me again. I had a wonderful three month position making $21/hr. Is there anything God can't do?

So I am not counting myself amongst those who have lost hope. I know I will be working again, soon.

The thing is that I don't know how to articulate my faith to my friends who are in the same position.

I am writing out right here some tips on how to not go mental while job searching.

• Have Faith-pray to God for strength to be patient and know that your position is on the way
• Know your worth-write out what you want and what you deserve
• Do activities you like daily- ie. watch a show
• Be diligent- everyday, only for an hour or so, look/apply for jobs
• Assess- look at your progress daily, weekly and ask where do I want to be and how do I get there
• Constantly look for new leads- stalk out the places you want to work for
  

I had a lot more to say when I first starting writing this but I think those points summarized what I've learned.

the ship is going through the storm...AGAIN

I wish it was all over. Technically it is. If I have faith it is. I off from my wonderful job. My position got cut short. I got caught up in the fact that someone there said I would be there for at least three months. I started doing my budget and planning my shopping trip. I gave thanks to God and wrote out my testimony and splat. It all came crashing down. I got 24 hours notice and then I was unemployed again.

I have nothing but faith that I will be working again by the end of the week if not sooner. This has happened before so I need to just trust Him. Today I have errands to run so I'm grateful for a business day off. and I'll wait for my position to come.

Amen

A Deeper Understanding of God's Love

I came across an article by Sheeri Mitchell and received revelations from it. Here are some excerpts:

Once married, I understood the type of intimacy God wants with us. I understood from experience why he uses the metaphor of marriage to describe his relationship to us. I understand why he calls himself a jealous God. I understand how he “aches” (for lack of a better word) to be in relationship with us, for us to be as preoccupied with him as he is with us. I understand how he continually gives good gifts over and over to woo us to himself and how it breaks his heart when we reject him. I get it

There is nothing I hold back from my Father in heaven. Have you ever been so grateful to someone for something (s)he has done for you that you just want to show that person – demonstrate to that person – your appreciation by offering your best?

...the biggest benefits of all are that in a God-ordained marriage, done God’s way, you have the best opportunity to discover your own humanity and to experience the nature of your Creator.

...I now know that true love flows in only one direction – outward to others. Armed with this knowledge, I purpose to become as pure a vessel as possible for that love to flow through me.

Read more here.

Fasting

All I want is some ribs, corn bread, mash potatoes, candied yams, mac and cheese followed by sweet potato pie and a slice of red velvet cake. And if as if that's not a lot, some catfish and hush puppies.

I don't know if this craving is the result of me fasting at least twice a week since July or even because I am fasting today. I haven't been able to do work either. I am just here waiting for 6pm to come around so I can have some food.

This is not what fasting was created for. I have prayed and read my devotion. I've even had a deep convo with God. Sad thing is the lack of food is reeking havoc on my memory so I'm not sure what revelations I had with the Lord.

I know my next fast will be better though...they have to be.
I am fasting, twice a week minimum until the end of the year. Ball park, that'll be over 40 fasts in the second half of the year alone.

I want to make sure that I'm not doing it to just do it. I catch myself saying that this is pointless. Not because He is not hearing me but because He has so why am I putting my body and mind through the agony of not eating?

Maybe it's to show my desire. Funny though, because technically I'm not fasting for me. It's for my new church (don't remember if I've mentioned this...ooh the fast). They need $2 million by the end of the year to buy the church. So basically this is for "the building fund" [insert Steve Harvey joke here]. And know God is going to do it, I can feel it for some reason. I pledged $2000 even before I had a job much less one that pays over 40,000 a year. Then God got me a contract position the week after I pledged. I've been working ever since. It literally came from nowhere. If He did that I know that He has done it for the church even if it's for the amount of $2 million. Hey, $2000 might as well have been $2 million when I was jobless and fresh from a European vacation with an AMEX full of debt.

Where was I? It's the fast. All I know is that next year, oh wonderful and sweet next year, fasting will not be used liberally. Yes, I want to keep going to newer heights of faith but maybe I'll try 4am devotions (I haven't been able to that consecutively ever--I'm mean get out of bed prayers too, not just under the covers).

I just want food. BUT Lord, this is a big thing I am seeking You for. I want to know that no matter the outcome, I sought you earnestly and diligently.

Amen,

1.5hrs left...

Faith in God and Prayer is all it takes...

so keep on running!

I added a quote from former POW, General Robbie Risner, to the side bar. When asked how he survived over seven years in a Vietnamese prison camp he said it was prayer. Others even said that his faith and optimism is what got them through.

What a testimony. I have a friend whose testimony is the boldest example of God's power in my life. She is a product of a single mother who was also the product of single mother, grew up on welfare and also was sexually abused for a number of years in her childhood. All of that has occurred in her life and she still was able to break the cycle of kids out of wedlock, become a university graduate and an outstanding woman of God. And when you ask her how did she get over the molestation or any of the bad things what does she say? God. Nothing more and nothing less. That reminds me of His awesome power time and time again.

So when people see me in Church 24-7 they truly don't know why I'm there. They (even Christians) might think it's weird that I over church or fellowship so much but I look at it this way:

• They don't know what God has done for me
• They don't know how much I need from God
• They truly must not know the power of the God we serve-it is my duty and honour to layout before Him

It's hard to explain how much my soul and heart yearn to be around Him. Everything I have and everything I do is because of Him. Everyday that He gives me to work or gallivant is a blessing. How can I repay the being who has done all these things for me? I can't. So I spend time with Him, in his presence, thanking Him. That's all I can do.

The best thing about it is that the more I answer to His call and am obedient and faithful the more faithful He is towards me.

I told my friend yesterday before prayer meeting that "I can't just be giving out my prayers to anyone: I'm on fire. Everything I've prayed for I've been getting!" Thank God that prayer is free! Or else I'd really be as selfish as the joke I made.

I prayed for God to send me a job by August 1 and He did...a great paying one! and I prayed for a cheap ticket to Toronto, the day before I had to be there, and He did it. I prayed for Him to find a heart for my Dad's transplant and for me to hear back from my employers for another contract by August 28 and while my Dad's heart hasn't come yet my contract did...at even more pay. While a new heart for dad would have been better than a job, I know that God has a plan.

This whole year I've spent worrying and praying for God to make a way for me to participate in 3 weddings in 3 different countries and He did it! I had no full-time job but he made a way! And now I have an awesome testimony! Staying in His presence is what strengthened me and brought me through.

Read Isaiah 55 and be encourage!

¹ "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

² Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.